Hufflepuff
by Dweo
Summary: Severus had been playing with the internet for some time. Now it was time to get sorted. This story is not serious and has nothing to do with canon.


_**Hufflepuff**_

Severus had been playing with the internet for sometime now and he had survived the most horrible things. Stories about him and that mangy mud Black, and every other person he had ever met. RPG that paired him with everybody, from Know-it-All Granger to Potter, Albus and even that werewolf. He had scary chats with Lucius, who clearly had lost all ability to speak coherently. He had seen Live Journals saying he was the most evil thing since The Devil; others saying he was a saint that never had hurt a fly. He even survived the Sugar Quill and its crazy ideas about him needing a make-over.

He had survived all this, now he was going to do a next challenge. Everybody said they belonged to a certain house, some he had never heard of, like Sparkling Poop or something. They wanted proof he was Slytherin, so he decided to give them proof. He had seen several places where you could get sorted and, even though he doubted they were as accurate as the sorting hat, he decided to try it.

The first one was easy, he just had to push a button. He carefully aligned the mouse and pushed. He waited for several long moments, lamenting he had only a dial-up connecting, making it very slow

Hufflepuff.

Severus stared at the screen as it appeared. Severus frowned; this one wasn't very accurate, was it. The next one. He read the questions and he knew he would be a Slytherin here. After 10 questions he pushed the button waited again.

Hufflepuff

Hufflepuff again. He frowned; this could not be right. Next one.

He filled out even more questions. _More is better, more is accurate_, he thought over and over again, as he waited for the results.

Hufflepuff.

Now Severus was getting really annoyed. So he googled for more sorting-tests.

Hufflepuff

Even more.

Hufflepuff.

Still more

Hufflepuff

He almost gave up when he discovered a community that would sort you. They had long and difficult questions and it were people that sorted you; well, they were Muggles, but that had to be better than some stupid machine that kept putting him in Hufflepuff. Severus started to fill out the many questions; he worked on it for several weeks, until he was completely certain it would get him into Slytherin.

He posted it and started to wait, staring at the screen. It didn't take them too long and the first one was Slytherin. Severus felt like screaming, finally people that understood him; they would make him a Slytherin. Suddenly he heard a whistle, it took him several moments to realise it was his alarm. He stood up, he had to attend to some potions, but he wasn't worried anymore; they knew what they were doing; they would put him in Slytherin.

Severus returned several hours later, feeling accomplished. He had finished several difficult potions and he would finally be able to enjoy being a Slytherin online.

He opened the live journal and started to read. He felt his anger rise again, someone had said Hufflepuff again. He dismissed that one, just some misguided soul. He read the third one. That couldn't be right. And the next one and the one after that, they all said the same.

You're pushing for Slytherin.

Squib.

This couldn't be happening. He wasn't a squib; what did these wannabees know. The fact that he started to use words like wannabees went by unnoticed; even though it would have made him wonder about his sanity only a few days before.

There was only one that had real authority and it had put him in Slytherin, hadn't it. But doubt crept in his mind, so he stalked to the Head-master's office, making sure Albus was still in the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate. He picked up the hat, certain it would stop all his doubt.

"Ah, you again; still haven't washed your hair, have you?" Severus sneered at the hat; which didn't seem to be impressed by it and continued to talk.

"You want to know what you're house should be. Well there is a lot going on in your mind. You do have Gryffindor's bravery, don't you."

"Don't you dare." Severus pulled out his wand. "I can incinerate you in seconds. I'm a Slytherin."

"You're pushing for that a bit much, aren't you? You could be great in Ravenclaw, you know."

"Slytherin."

"What about Hufflepuff?" the hat suggested, sounding almost cheeky.

"Slytherin."

"I think I agree with them; you're pushing Slytherin too much.

"SQUIB."

Severus felt some magic circle the room and he quickly pulled of the hat and threw it on the ground.

"Incendio."

Nothing happened.

"INCENDIO"

Still nothing.

"I told you you're a Squib." They were the last words Severus heard before he fainted.


End file.
